Legally Blonde
by loudmouthbastard
Summary: In which Katsuki Bakugo learns to bend and snap!


Katsuki could not be any more 'on break' than he is at this very moment; feet crossed and propped on the table, leaned all the way back with one hand buried in a bag of potato chips and the other holding a fashion magazine up to his face. But, yet, there before him is the distinct thump of an ass dropping into a seat. There's a pause. Katsuki, foolish enough to believe for a moment that said ass would realize he was off duty and get up doesn't look up from the article on Gianni Versace he's engrossed in until a warbled voice cries.

"You would not believe the day I'm having."

He looks up and sure enough there sits the pink nightmare sent to haunt him. She's smudged her eyeliner so bad she looks like a raccoon and she sniffles every odd second while her hands sit daintily on the edge of the bowl displaying chipped bubblegum pink nail polish. She waits while Katsuki slowly lowers his feet and tucks the magazine and chips away. And maybe its pity or maybe its self-preservation, he wipes his hands off on a towel picks up his utensils, grabs her left hand, looks up into smudgy black raccoon eyes and says, "Go on."

* * *

Raccoon eyes becomes a regular after that. A least once a week she'll come in plop her ass down at Katsuki's station and get her nails or hair done or if it's a particularly bad day both. He can't really complain because for as much as she chats his ear off she lets him do whatever he wants with her hair and nails and tips at least fifty percent. Financial compensation aside, Katsuki weirdly looks forward to her visits.

"I mean, I just don't understand! Why would you want to be friends with such a creep!?"

Mina, raccoon eyes' real name, is filling him in on the stupid thing Denki did today while he brushes bubble gum pink dye into her hair.

"He's unbearable to be around! I thought Denki was a good guy, but if he hangs out with a creep like Mineta then how do I know he doesn't think that type of behavior is acceptable?"

"Men are idiots." Katsuki grumbles as he scoops more dye out of the bowl.

"What!?" Mina exclaims. "But I thought you liked men!"

Katsuki leans back so Mina and see his look of disgust. "Just because I like men does not make them any less-"

The bell over the door rings as its pushed open and Katsuki clams up. Mina looks up at him confused and then over to the door and then back to Katsuki and then back to the door. "Oh?"

Katsuki feels his face flush and knows he's the same shade as Mina's hair.

"I've got a package for Katsuki Bakugo."

It takes all his willpower to divert his eyes from the perfect ass wrapped in tight brown pants leaned over the front counter and focus on Mina's hair. He _knows _she's smirking, feels it like the temperature rising as his heart starts pounding, sweat pooling in his hands, mouth suddenly dry. He doesn't look up as the man approaches him. Knows he'll look gross if he's caught staring at those toned arms and thighs. Katsuki screws his mouth shut tight and braces for impact.

"Package for Katsuki Bakugo."

He's fucking weak. He can't look up because he _knows _he'll say something stupid and if he lifts his arms in any way he'll be showing off the pit stains he seems to acquire every time the shop gets a UPS delivery.

"Hi!" Mina doesn't waste any time taking the electronic signer out of the man's hands.

"So, uh, how're you today?"

The delivery guy is still looking at him and Katsuki knows that if he looks up at the redhead he'll be a stuttering mess, so with more concentration than necessary he spreads more dye into Mina's hair with a meek, "Okay."

It feels like an eternity passes as Mina hands back the signer and then another before the bell over the shop chimes and he breathes a sigh of relief and finally looks up from bubble gum pink.

Mina smirks. "What was that!? That cannot have been the only interaction you two have had!"

"No, sometimes I say 'fine' instead of 'okay'." He mumbles as he wraps the last of her hair in foil.

"Oh, honey we need to work on that. I've got just the trick for you! It works every time!"

He releases her hair just in time for her to pop out of the seat and turn to him.

"It's called the bend and snap!"

He hopes his face is conveying the popper amount of disdain he is feeling at this very moment. "The what?"

"The next time he comes in you," She takes a comb off the cart and drops it dramatically, "Oh no! I dropped my pencil!" She cries and slowly bends forward showing off her legs with a, "Bennnnddd," Then pops her head up to stand posed with her chest out, "And snap! Now you try it!"

"No." Katsuki rolls his eyes.

"Ooh! I want to try!" Ochaco cheers from where she's standing doing another woman's hair and bends forward snapping back up in a similar fashion. "Bennnndd and snap! Oh my! That's so much fun!"

Within minutes the whole beauty parlor is bending and snapping and not even Katsuki can escape.

* * *

The next time the delivery guy comes in Mina isn't there to distract him. In fact no one is there to distract him and he has no excuse to not look Eijiro, as his nametag says, in the eyes after giving his body a thorough once over.

"Katsuki Bakugo? I have a package for you."

His mouth is so dry he can only nod dumbly and take the pen in his hand. He _knows _he's being an idiot, _knows _he's holding onto the pen way too long, but it's now or never. So, he drops it.

"Oops." Katsuki says innocently. He bends forward to grab the pen not even hearing the guy say he's got it and snaps his head up prepared to give Eijiro the best smile he can muster only to hear a crack as head strikes head.

All sense accomplishment fades into mortification when Katsuki looks up to find Eijiro collapsed on the floor clutching his face as red drips onto tile.

"Oh shit. I think you broke my nose."

"Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." Katsuki grabs his keys from the table. "Oh my fucking god, I am so sorry. Let me drive you to the hospital." He helps Eijiro up and to his car out back grabbing a towel along the way.

He drives at break neck speed to nearest emergency room muttering "Holy shit, I'm going to kill Mina."

Eijiro looks over at him smiling around the towel now stained bright red, "I think this is the most I've ever heard you say." He chuckles.

"Holy shit, this is not funny. I broke your face!" Katsuki wails. "I broke your face and you're probably concussed!"

* * *

Katsuki paces the hospital waiting area and pulls out his cell. Mina answers on the third ring.

"You're stupid move doesn't work! I broke his nose! I had to drive him to the hospital because I broke his nose! He's probably concussed! Why else would he ask me out? I'm such an idiot!" Katsuki has never rambled so much in his life.

Mina cackles for several minutes until Bakugo hot with frustration and embarrassment barks, "It's not funny! He's never going to want to speak to me again."

"Oh, holy shit dude. You are such a dumb blonde. I have to tell Denki."

"Don't you dare! Haven't you ruined my life enough already?" He laments.

Mina snorts, "I got you a date. Now hang up before he sees you on the phone and thinks you're taken."

"Fine. I hate you."

* * *

He's half way through perming Mina's hair the next week when she finally asks, "So, how was your date?" smugness dripping off every word.

"I will stop right now and you will have to find someone else to do your hair."

"Oh come on, blasty! I wanna know!"

"Absolutely not."

Mina moves on to tell him about how Denki fell into the school's fountain that morning and that night Katsuki goes home to Eijiro. And yes, it is all thanks to Mina's bend and snap technique.


End file.
